Mama in the City

There seems to be a bit of a baby boom among a bunch of my friends and I am so excited for all of them! A couple of twins in the mix too; seriously though I know 3 couples all expecting twins in 2010. It is always fun watching your friends enter parenthood and grow their families. I guess the fun comes from knowing that person for the way that they were before and the way that they live life after children come to live with them.

Along with upcoming babies I also have friends who are trying trying trying to get pregnant and have baby #1 or #2. Not just one couple or two but a few different friends of mine are living this situation. The bitter sweet part of being in the boat of trying for a baby is the baby envy that you get and cannot control. You want a baby, you love babies, you are so good with babies but you don't have one yet.

I know that feeling of wanting a normal healthy pregnancy (now not later! is the sentiment) and feeling like people and their baby bump appear everywhere and anywhere you happen to be. All of a sudden you have baby bump radar and it is turned on to the extreme. Of course you are truly happy for your gestating friends but you might also feel a little bit of jealousy. I can't help but think that baby envy is perfectly normal for women who want to reproduce but haven't just yet. I think is also normal for you to think that you deserve to have a baby more than 'they' do. I know most people would never say that but I will. I tell you, baby envy can make you crazy!!

When you have baby envy you can rationalize all sorts of things; like how you have been trying longer than your pregnant friend or you have been married longer than your girlfriend. It ain't pretty but it is the realistic truth and I am sure I am not the only one who has gone there.

I guess pregnancy is on my brain because work is coming up very soon and I will be hands deep in pregnancy and birth (which I am so excited about!). I started to get my mind thinking about boobs, bums, bellies and babies and am trying to remember just how to be a labor and delivery nurse. Somehow this post all ties in together and I would like to make it clear that in no way do I currently have baby envy. Just to set the record straight.

I am happy to be home! Home from Maui and home from the trip to pick up my boy post Maui. It was a wonderful feeling to finally get my smooches onto my babes cheeks and give him a big squeeze and have him squeeze me back. It was a total of 13 nights that I was away from him and after hour 5 it felt like no time had gone by. You get right back into the swing of things and life moves forward.

Going away to Maui with just my husband was a really wonderful vacation and I wouldn't change anything about it. I lounged by the pool and walked along the beach. Did a few adventures that were out of my comfort zone and felt a lot of peace too. We had people congratulate us, and give high fives to my husband, when they found out we were on a couples vacation versus the family vacation. Of course a lot of our conversation over the 10 days away was about our son and our family and we wouldn't have it any other way!

Now we are back home and after a few more days I head back to the hospital and will be working full time. I am excited about being around pregnancy and birth again. Not at all looking forward to night shifts but I am pretty sure I have been on a variation of night shifts since Ben came into our family.

If you have read any part of this blog of mine you know that I am a mama who loves to wear her baby. This week it is International Babywearing Week. Did you know that? I didn't but I am celebrating it now!

I didn't really start out in motherhood thinking that babywearing was something that I was interested in but it became necessity for survival and sanity with our fussy crying babe. You can read about our experiences with babywearing HERE. The best part is that I happen to love wearing Ben and he loves it too. In fact he is happiest on my hip with the sling hugging him tight next to me. I use a Gorgeous Baby sling and have my favorite one that I love to use.



We also have a Bjorn front carrier along with our Gorgeous Baby slings. My husband has used a Bjorn and a sling and I have my favorite sling that I bring everywhere. Even Ben's Auntie Glynis would wear him in a sling during the cry fest of 2008. We still often ditch our stroller in favour of wearing Ben around. When he was really little babywearing sometimes did seem like a chore of sorts but it was a beautiful reprieve from the constant crying. I swear that Iost some postpartum pounds from toting around my baby and doing the fussy baby dance with him in the sling.




Have you been a babywearing mama or do you still sling and carry your babes around? Tell me your story and celebrate with me! Happy International Babywearing week to everyone! Find out more about babywearing here.

I have never been sailing before and what better way to go than on one of the fastest boats on the water, the America II. She originally competed in the 1983 America's Cup in Australia. She didn't win but she did get into the semi finals with a crew of 11. We boarded the sail boat in Lahaina with a crew of 2 and 6 passengers and went for an amazing wet and wild sail for a few hours.

It was such a relaxing and invigorating feeling just sitting in the sail boat as the wind took hold of the sail. Sometimes holding on with our bare feet for support as one side of the boat was up in the air and the other touching the water. We got covered in the salty sea water and had a fantastic time. Funny side note; the America II was in the movie Wind and painted red for her role.

My husband has always been a bit more adventurous than me and I am fine with that. He likes to take risk and feel the exhilarating closeness with danger while I would like a glass of wine and a massage at the spa. Once in awhile he pushes me out of my comfort zone and I join him in his quest for new and exciting adventures and sometimes I join him and never plan on it.

On Thursday we flipped through the 'Maui Revealed' book by Andrew Doughty that my friend Natalie lent to us and picked a destination that we wanted to explore. It sounded gorgeous, a bit remote and undiscovered; the Olivine Pools were, 'gem like quality, the color of the area and the... natural lava swimming pools...' sounded heavenly!

I guess I read the part that describes the beautiful natural parts and somehow missed the parts that described the drive to get there as 'sphincter squeezing' because I took the drivers seat and we drove from Wailea to the very northwest tip of Maui and I explored my adventurous side without even trying.



The drive started simply enough with a tight road and some curves which seemed more fun than scary but after 30 minutes of driving around the mountain the road became much much narrower and the curves became more hair pinned and all over the place. I was driving 5-10 miles per hour with all the tight hair pin turns you can take.



To the right there was no guard rail or even sketchy fence just the side of the cliff with an ocean to catch you way down below. Sometimes we would encounter people coming head on because the road was big enough for ONE vehicle. Yes, a two-way road, up and down a mountain, that is only one vehicle wide. You definitely feel the adventuresome part when you are reversing down the skinny one lane road, back through the hair pin turns to let the other car pass you because there are no shoulders to pull over to.

It definitely feels like a driving adventure when you talk to the locals and they agree with you that this is the highway to hell and apparently worse than the infamous Hana Highway. Alas, there are no cool t-shirts to say that I survived the drive but I did.





The whole point of the horrible anxiety inducing drive is that you reach the Olivine Pools. Except it started raining (yes, seriously raining) and when we got to the spot we really should have had proper foot wear on and not beach wear because it would have been quite a climb down to the ocean and the pools. So, we didn't even make it to the Olivine Pools but that was fine. My knuckles were so white from the drive that I just needed to sit and relax.



Aloha!

Wondering where I have been? Maybe, maybe not but for those daily blog checkers we have been hanging out Hawaiian style and it is fantastic. We left Ben to have his own vacation at my parents house and went to Maui for a little rejuvenation before I head back to work full time. It turns out that even when you don't bring your baby he still has been the focus of many conversations, dreams and thoughts. I guess you can take a baby free vacation but not 100% which is fine with me.









We took a day trip to Lahaina, an old whaling town and birth place of surfing, we checked out the old jail where the drunken sailors were put. I am doing my best exasperated jailed face (can't you tell?).





Of course every vacation the photos are 99% of me, which just happens when your husband is the photographer. We are going to luau tonight for some delicious Hawaiian cuisine and more. We plan to enjoy the rest of our days here before we head back to reality.

An afternoon celebration for Benjamin with some cupcakes and friends hanging out. A few tears were shed but many smiles were shared too!

Today I am feeling rather thankful and I thought I would share that. It helped that today Ben has been a very good good boy; full of smiles and waves and sleep. You know those moments/days/weeks when everything feels like it is aligned and you don't let yourself stress over those upcoming potential road bumps that might be ahead (cause you know something is always lurking).

So, today I am thankful for:
1.the perfect espresso shot that was poured into my iced latte this afternoon.
2.the smile I got from my baby when I came into the room.
3.my husband taking the time to look after the boy so I could go to Aveda and get my eyebrows waxed into shape.
4.the cupcake I just might be eating tomorrow.
5.talking to my older sister on the phone.
6.Ben spontaneously breaking into dance when I played this video from Kickyboots blog.
7.squeezing in a self pedicure in the bathroom during nap time.
8.being able to wear a tank top on our daily walk (see previous blog post!).
9.realizing that today was pay day and I didn't even work (thank you vacation time!).
10.having the spare moment to write this blog and reading all the comments from you readers.

What are you thankful for RIGHT NOW?

My boy is in bed and I am sitting here with the table lamp and the dining room light on and I realize that this is a sure sign that....fall has come to Vancouver. There is no longer any evening sunlight pouring through our (many) condo windows and a change is here. The thing is, I don't actually hate it. I really love living somewhere where the seasons truly change and you have to rotate your wardrobe accordingly; time to fish out the sweaters and put away the flip flops. I get a little excited thinking about upcoming seasons but usually by the end of them I am ready for the next one.

Fall means it is time to burn scented candles in the evening, take warm baths and maybe make a pot roast. Fall also means it is time to haul out the umbrella (just in case!) because you never know when you will need it. A true Vancouverite will not mind being caught in a slight downpour here and there. Getting wet is part of living on the west coast. Vancouver dwellers will have an umbrella stashed somewhere nearby at all times. In their purse, in the trunk, in their pocket (?)!

All this umbrella talk leads me to the real reason behind this blog post. People of Vancouver: please, please remember your umbrella etiquette. This also goes for visitors to the city of Vancouver and I mean this in the nicest way. Like a public service announcement of sorts.

If you are the person who walks down the city sidewalks with your gigantic golf umbrella you need to read on. You see, I understand all the advantages to having the most gigantic umbrella but there is no place for these in the city. The sidewalks are crammed and huge umbrellas are more than awkward. Go and read what Gumdrops had to say about umbrella etiquette. Click HERE. It is like they read my mind! My only additional tip is this: if you happen to be out and about on a rainy afternoon with your girlfriends, do not walk next to each other across the sidewalk while individually using your umbrellas. This will cause much fury and pedestrian anger and battle of the umbrellas will naturally commence.

Today we gave Ben his first birthday present.



I know he is only one-year-old, and he probably doesn't understand gifts, but it was something special to see his eyes light up when he realized we brought that funny green toy home from the shop. When we tried out this new walker / rider toy called an Okiedog at the Granville Island toy store, he certainly had a huge grin. He gave us that same huge grin when he got it home.



He doesn't know it's his birthday, and he doesn't know all of the other surprises his mum has planned for him, but I'm sure he'll have fun like he did with his first gift. Getting gifts you weren't expecting are always the best gifts... like when my wife gave me my son.

I suppose I was expecting him -- by month 7 or 8 I had noticed my wife was pregnant -- but as a first-time dad I wasn't sure what to expect when he actually came out. I don't think any first-time parent knows what they'll think of their new baby but I'm pretty sure dads know less. Mothers have that special in utero bonding that happens... dads, well, we're just stuck on the outside waiting.

When Benji finally arrived, it was months of sleeplessness before I truly realized how much I love him and how much I love being a dad. I really enjoy newborns and the way they cuddle into you but that isn't love. Guys shouldn't be afraid to admit that they don't feel the full effect as soon as their child comes out... maybe some do, but I bet lots of others don't. It can take a while to sink in for first-timers!

So thank you, wife, for giving me the best gift ever. I think I like Ben's birthday even more than my own.

This weekend I spent some time out with girlfriends and catching up with them. Friday evening I met up with some glorious girlfriends that I used to work with, back when I was a fresh brand new shiny nurse. We had drinks and dinner at Coast downtown and it was lovely to see these ladies (Candice, Bal and Harman this is for you!). I love going out for dinner and have missed it so much. All that the leisurely eating with cloth napkins and multiple forks. It was so nice and I was so happy. Today I followed up with a coffee and shopping trip with my gal Krista. There was a trip to Sephora to buy presents and a trip to my favorite Caffe Artigiano to sip cappuccino before heading home.

I can't help but be a little reminiscent today and do the whole, 'a year ago today' deal; a year ago today I was in labor and waiting to see if I was having a boy or a girl. I was 36 weeks along and was being induced for high blood pressure and a few days later I had Ben. It's a really good feeling to think about where I was one year ago and where I am today.

Being able to be a good mum and also stay in contact with girlfriends is important to me and I try to make it a priority when I have some spare time. Of course you have to be realistic and something has to give or at least change. So, dinner on Friday night is now at 6 PM and not 9 PM. Coffee out is scheduled around your babies nap time and your shopping is focused.

I guess that Jennifer Lopez was right; "There's you before kids, and there's you after kids – and they're not the same you."Yeah, that is quite true but this past weekend there were moments where I really felt like my old self.

This afternoon I took the baby and dog for a walk around the seawall. It had been a grey cloudy kind of day and as soon as I saw the sun peek out I hit the sidewalk for our stroll. Baby was hollering up a storm, he is trying to learn how to sing but isn't quite there, and the dog was being a good girl and was nicely heeled right by the stroller on her leash. La de da life is good! Well, it was all peaches and cream until 'the incident' took place.

Where we live there is a small community of people and dogs that you see every day and you sort of get to know who is who and who does what. Sort of like a small town within the city so to speak. Our dog Maggie is a good girl and her only bad flaw is that she is quite ball obsessed and gets so excited when she sees anyone playing with a ball.

Anyways, back to today and our lovely seawall stroll that was rudely interrupted by a dude on a segway (yes a freakin' segway, I am not kidding) and his two Australian Shepard's that are conveniently off leash. Anyways, the segway dude is taking up the whole sidewalk with his ride and was chatting to some other guy about how cool Australian Shepard's are.

I stroll by with my babe and my dog nicely tucked into my side and all of a sudden his dog lunges towards our old girl with teeth and saliva flying everywhere. It is our THIRD time that his (off leash) dogs have attacked our dog and this time there was some blood. I kind of surprised myself by being able to pull my dog out of the dog attack pile and yell, "this is the THIRD time your dogs have attacked MY dog!" He acted a little oblivious and was busy pulling his dogs off and away and then....then his segway FELL onto another pedestrian who was coming up some nearby stairs. Yeah, I am serious and the lady did a good yell as she fought off the segway. It was all a good scene really but one I would have liked to observe versus being involved in.

The conclusion is that I rushed home and was in a bit of a panic and my good old husband went on out and randomly ran into a police officer who started cruising the neighbourhood for segway dude and his duo of dogs. There was no fiery dramatic ending really. My husband ran into segway guy, who smelled of booze and apologized and said his dogs NEVER are vicious. He gave his name and number but it still leaves a bitter taste. This is the third dog attack in a two week period and it freaks me out.

Has anything like this happened to you? What have you done? Got any advice or tips for me? I am bound to run into this dude again and my first instinct is to bolt across the road. Here is a ridiculous picture of a mother pushing her stroller while riding a segway.

My husband passed this news story on to me, maybe you have already read it? I am sure that, for the most part, people are horrified by this story. The basic run down is a mum and tot were shopping in a Walmart and the tot was crying. Sound familiar? No, I am not talking about you. So, it turns out the 2 year old girl's crying started to get to this man and he said some rude stuff that should have been filtered in his brain. "If you don't shut the baby up, I will shut her up for you." You might think this but you don't say it and you definitely don't act on it. Then he encountered the crying girl a second time and gave her 4-5 whacks on the face.

Go here to read the article but come back and tell me your opinion. Now, I obviously think this man was 100% out of line. First off it is not his child to discipline and second smacking a crying tot is so not the answer. I am also curious if people would be just as horrified if it was a parent who smacked their toddler for crying in a Walmart. What do you think?

I have been in that situation where your child is fussing up and being loud and you can feel the evil stares burning in your direction. For the record, it is mega stressful to be in that situation and most parents will try many things to stop their child from fussing and crying in public. I have even just left the place we were in because of this. I think that this man sounds like an angry person who was set off even further by the sounds of the "waa waa waa". I know that kids crying can make me feel annoyed but my reaction is to move on and maybe throw the parent a smile.

Now for something totally different. A little clip of my boy playing the recorder. I know, I know! He is not even 1 and he is playing musical instruments. Any related grandparent will find his talent awe inspiring and this is for them. All 3 of you!

I believe in circumcision the same way that I believe in foot binding for girls in China. I think infant male circumcision is an archaic procedure that needs to be given up. When I gave birth to a baby with a penis it was not even in our parental discussion to make the decision about having him circumcised. My husband and I had talked about this topic before babies even came on our radar and we both thought that circumcision was an unnecessary tradition that needed to go the way of total extinction.

In my job as a maternity RN I have been the assistant to a MD for a total of one circumcision and through the 3.5 years working with babies I have been on shift for a total of 4 circumcisions. It seems there is not so much foreskin cutting going on in the hospital these days. It is not standard or routine practice for all baby boys like it was back in the day. Most of the time the circumcising parents ask if they can leave the room during the procedure and hand the baby over to you and cover their eyes and run to the door. I always found this so odd and I still do not understand this reaction. Why would you agree to have your newborn child have a totally elective procedure, where they scream bloody murder, while you hide your eyes? If you make the informed decision to have your baby son circumcised you should be right there with them and not leave them to experience the wrath of your choice.

Apparently there is a decline in the rate of circumcision and there are more intact boys growing up. When do we totally trump tradition and stop mutilating our boys? People are generally outraged about FEMALE CLITORAL circumcision so why is this different? There seems to be a struggle between the rights of the parents versus the rights of the baby. The truth is that circumcision is truly going out of fashion, at least in Canada. Go Canada! Soon uncircumcised baby boys will grow into men and foreskin will dominate and it will be more taboo to be a circumcised man.

The College of Physicians and Surgeons of British Columbia stand by this statement: 'The matter of infant male circumcision is particularly difficult in regards to human rights, as it involves consideration of the rights of the infant as well as the rights of the parents. Also, the Canadian Association for Genital Integrity has this to say: Infant male circumcision is an irreversible surgical operation. It is not medically required. Performing an irreversible, medically unnecessary operation on a minor is generally viewed as a breach of medical ethics. Medically unnecessary surgery on female genitals is expressly prohibited by the Criminal Code of Canada.

My intention is to educate, discuss and share my own opinion about male infant circumcision. For the record, I also do not believe in stoning people to death for things like having premarital sex (click here). An archaic and disgusting practice much like circumcision.

This month there is a very special event I am planning and details are being polished up as I type this. Benjamin will be celebrating his first birthday on September 8th and I am enjoying all aspects of planning his birthday party. Nothing elaborate or over the top but I do love to plan and throw a party! In fact I have always loved to host parties so this is a great chance to do just that and celebrate my boy Ben! I love that boy!

I think that being the mother of a high needs baby somehow celebrating this first birthday is extra special. All of those hard, trying and exhausting moments will have all been worth it. Over the last year there were many times where I felt helpless and wasn't sure if I could be a parent to a high needs baby like Ben. Now a year of parenting is under my belt and I feel somewhat more competent in dealing with babies that seriously require 24/7 parenting. Seriously 24/7 and I give major kudos to any single parent of a baby that is particularly high needs.

Now a year later I really know how to entertain and meet the demands of a 'high needs' baby. Of course it is still exhausting because these babies still have the same temperament so sometimes I still pull out my hair out in exasperation and do some loud sighing. The difference that a year makes is that I am not floundering around thinking that I must be doing something wrong. I have learned that temperament plays a huge role and I have not done anything wrong or missed some important parenting trick or didn't read some special book.

One of my girlfriends recently told me the first birthday party is really a celebration that you, as a parent, 'made it' and survived the first year. Of course this girlfriend is a mother to a girl who was also a high needs baby like Ben and she gets me. Now her baby is a sweet amazing four year old that says unprovoked stuff like, 'thank you for meeting with us today Auntie Andrea'. Too cute. So, as the baby days dwindle what better way to kick off the next year than with some cake and of course a little bubbly. It is a celebration after all and I plan to do just that.

Here are a few fun unrelated pictures from a walk we took in our neighbourhood.