The Mom Cold5
As soon as I felt those wet droplets of my daughter’s sneeze kiss the skin of my face, I knew it was just a matter of time before I was also infected with the virus. She was at home sick with a full blown cold and only wanted me to cuddle her. Of course, I’m going to cuddle my sweet sick girl and of course those germs found and attacked me like it was their sole purpose.
After a two week battle with a terrible cold, so bad that I should have probably been confined to my bed, here is the actual real life progression of ‘The Mom Cold’. We all know mom’s don’t get sick days.
Stage 1: Send your healthy child to any kind of kid birthday party, preschool or open gym type of event and you will be certain to leave with some extra germs as a parting gift. That smiley kid with the runny nose and the kid sneezing into their hands and reaching into the big bowl of chips, be extra weary of them.
Side note: you will roll your eyes and shake your head at other parents who bring their obviously booger infested kids to a public place, but one day down the road you will be in same questionable mucous filled situation. So, best not to roll those eyes too far.
Stage 2: You hear it. The cough. The sneeze. You see it. Trickles of warm wet mucous under your own kid’s nose several days after the birthday party/preschool/open gym event. You knew it was just a matter of time before the virus invaded your sweet child.
Stage 3: DENIAL!!! You think that all of your excellent hand washing, use of fresh air, hand sanitizing, etc will be enough to not get YOU infected along with your children. You will be proven wrong. The virus will win.
Stage 4: You feel that ominous tickle in the your throat and Google the crap out of ‘signs I am getting sick’ and ‘how to stop a cold from happening’. Google will tell you to try and get as much extra sleep as you can. You give the middle finger to your computer screen.
Stage 5: MORE DENIAL!! Now your kid is fully sick and there is no denying it. You’ve got the humidifier going and the Advil is on repeat. Now you are hoping that that your own tiny cough is just that, a tiny cough that will turn into nothing. You are too busy being the mothering goddess you are to your sick kids to get sick. Plus, you have excellent hand washing.
Stage 6: YOU ARE SICK! Not just a tiny ‘I can pull through this’ sick, but fully sick with chills and misery and everything feels cold. No, it’s now hot. No, it’s cold again. You just want to take your own adult drugs and lay in bed and stare at the wall. If you are a parent you know that does not happen.
Stage 7: Thinking murderous thoughts. Your healthy partner heads out the door to go to work (AKA: escape the misery that is at home). You can’t believe they can just walk away and go while you are draining mucous out of more than one place on your face. Meanwhile you can’t eat without making weird snorting noises out of your congested face. Who will take care of the children while you are this sick? Who?! It’s you. Sorry, it’s really really you.
Stage 8: You are a fucking warrior mama. You are sick and look absolutely terrible. Yet you still get dressed, go out in the pouring rain with your other kids and go pick up another kid from school. ROARRRRRR!!!!! The rain is doing a nice job at washing off all the sweat that has accumulated on your face from walking while sick. Momentarily you flash back to stage 7.
Stage 9: You scrap all regularly planned activities. You don’t go on social media (gasp!!). You resort to ordering pizza and rotating leftover pizza with cereal for all meals. You let Mount Laundry continue to creep up and you fill up XL garbage bags with your gross Kleenex. You continue to mother on and care for sick kids and healthy kids and let endless Netflix entertain your kids.
Stage 10: Time lapses and moves on. You repeat a few of the steps and go back to Stage 7 a few times. It’s now been days, weeks…who is even counting anymore? Your children start to ask if you are feeling better and you think to yourself, ‘maybe just a little bit?’. Then you vow to never go to any birthday parties, kid events for the next several months and start wearing a hand sanitizer pack around your neck like a new style necklace.
Embarrassing true story:
I was day 12 of a terrible head cold but was overall feeling better and I felt confident that I had moved past the contagious part and into the annoying part of sinus issues.
I had a massage therapy appointment booked that I had booked well over a month ago. I thought how good it would be to have my massage therapist work out all the weird rib muscles I had pulled while sneezing and coughing during the weeks prior. It seemed like the best idea possible.
What I didn’t think about was what I would do with my nose issues. Especially while laying on my stomach facing down. I had been blowing my nose very frequently but just assumed it would be okay for that 60 minute treatment.
WRONG. Oh was I ever wrong. Within the first few minutes I realized my nose would just continue to run. Right through the hole on the face rest and right onto the floor.
I tried my best to hold it in and was totally ruining any chance at relaxation. Here comes the really embarrassing part. When it came time to flip over I did a quick swipe of my nose to suss out the situation. It was dire. It was like what you would find on a toddler who didn’t have a parent around to wipe their nose.
My amazing lovely massage therapist who I’ve been seeing for over 10 years said, ‘Oh, it looks like your nose drained quite a bit during the massage’ (huge huge understatement people, it was like a tidal wave of mucous had washed up on my face). Then, with her bare hands, she reached towards my wet face and applied eucalyptus lotion to the same area that was covered in the large amount of ‘nose drainage’. Bare hands! I haven’t had a person wipe my nose since before I can remember! Let alone with bare hands.
I coped with the uncomfortable situation by doing deep breathing with the eucalyptus lotion that was burning my very sensitive tissue chaffed skin. I swear it was right after this extra treatment that I started to feel better and my nose wasn’t like a disgusting tap turned on. In the end I do feel quite thankful for her extra service!